Dear Keanu Reeves,

This is my second letter to you. I’m beginning to think that you might have dropped my first one into the sea while you were on location or possibly used it as a bookmark and left it in a public library copy of The Psychopathology of Everyday Life. I’ve lost some paychecks that way and so I can totally empathize. Fortunately for you I also put it on the internet.

Anyway, you don’t have to explain. I accept your apology. I just wanted to point out that you have yet to heed my friendlyadvice-style mandate. IMDB revealed that you are currently making a new film called The Night Watchman about some LAPD cop torn asunder by complex mores and an intricate innerlife.  All in all this makes 10 films that rely on the audience believing that the insides of your brain are complicated enough to constitute a feature length plot. I realize you do a lot of movies so I’ve enumerated the offenders in the post script. But just tell me this, what– in god’s name– is wrong with a few nice action movies and a doughy romantic comedy here and there? You can be very believable as a sleeping athlete or even as the best friend’s almost silent boyfriend.



The Night Watchman, A Scanner Darkly, The Lakehouse, The Matrix trilogy, The Gift, The Watcher, The Devil’s Advocate, Little Buddha,