I’ve only had cable for a few flu hours but, thanks to jazzy dancing pharmaceutical logos, I already know:

-which contraception I would use (were I at risk for spontaneous pregnancy)

-what might actually be wrong with my vagina (whenever I feel a pesky itch as I shop with my girlfriends)

-how to get rid of raw chicken related odors and leave my kitchen worthy of my cleaning timid husband and sons (should that contraception fail)

*from a fortune cookie